This is a perfect little contemplative liteTM question-love it. Paying attention is the first step in searching for Spirit
and it’s what I’m working on the most these days of busy parenting, working, and keeping up with my other important relationships. Whether you pay more attention to things or people around you or inner thoughts, feelings, and experiences, it’s the attention that matters. Balance is important! I mine my thoughts, feelings, and inner sensations, and then turn my focus outward to the important relationships in my life for a gentle critical commentary on my inner experience. And vice versa-the two are interdependent, and I don’t think one matters more or less than the other. One thing I’ve learned a lot in Spiritual Direction is to name the four relationships in life-relationship to myself, the Divine, other people, and nature. We are all in an ecosystem, ‘no man is an island’1. Whatever language you use for these relationships is fine by me-I identify as Christian, but please know I’m not like that. Too many of us are hurt by that judgmental appropriation of Christ’s teachings.
To more closely answer this particular question, I’m getting better at paying attention and being really present with my kids, currently aged 1 and 5. These ages are sometimes quite intense. My 5 year old was a super fun and chill 2 and 3 year old, and as he’s gotten older and wiser, he’s been more resistant. I suspect bringing another family member into our lives definitely played into that. He’s also wicked smart, and has become wise to the ways of resistance. Transitions are hard, and he’s had a lot! When things are feeling hard, I’m tempted to react first. One thing that keeps me grounded in our relationship is slowing down – particularly in the moments that are already slow. Last night, I cuddled him to sleep. I wanted to get up and go and have ME time already, but experience has taught me 1. that this will backfire and he’ll come out too much, and 2. that I can breathe, be present, and be thankful for his smallness and relationship with me here and now just by being physically present as he rests his busy mind for sleep. In those moments, I try to pay careful attention to the ways his locks of hair fall on his forehead, how his rhythmic breathing calms my own. The feeling of his little hand on mine, and how much bigger that little hand is than it used to be. Those little, passing moments fuel me for the crazy moments of heightened emotions and temptations to reactivity.
I absolutely adore this study piece by my son, completed and sent home at the beginning of the school year. Since then, when he has art class, he’s been working on this school bus but on yellow paper. A very important distinction to a 5 year old. I absolutely love the bus driver figure, whose essence really is summed up in the jovial and caring driver we have this year. I also see in it an arrival (by drawing the bus head-on), and some rather impressive detail work in the big and little lights, as well as the lines creating perspective in the front. Yes, I realize this was led by his teacher, but gosh darn it it’s so cute! The whole thing is just happy and inviting, and it communicated to me that he felt welcomed and happy to be in school. What a big deal that is, and easy to overlook!
So all of this brings me to the last thing I’m working at paying closer attention to: our surrounding community. I think I’m pretty good at paying attention to myself, my close relationships, nature and the Divine. But, as I said earlier, we live in a community, an ecosystem, and there are people all around me that I would like to get to know better. Covid really put a hamper on us meeting and getting to know people in our town! And now I’m that stereotypical 30-something with a partner and kids and NO FRIENDS. Well, no local friends, but some good acquaintances. I’m working on it! I think there are plenty of good people around, but we need to get out and over to them more. *hides under a rock*
- Poem by John Donne-to read it, see: https://web.cs.dal.ca/~johnston/poetry/island.html ↩︎
Actually an Artist 
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