It’s late and my kids have zero chill. But I did want to jump on here for a second because I’ve been thinking about this question today. I have an impractical amount of compassion. I was the kid whose stuffed animals got their feelings hurt if I didn’t pay them enough attention. I’m the kid who decided to be vegetarian because I felt bad for animals. I was the kid who went through years of yo-yoing depression before getting treatment and integrating that compassion in myself.
In my depression era, ‘compassion ranking’ was sometimes a weapon against others, and if you or your group didn’t measure up I was/am pretty condemnatory. I say ‘am’ because there are still parts of me attached to this way of thinking. I still have trouble feeling empathy in the face of groups that I deem lacking in compassion, particularly if there’s a power differential in play. Condemnation has a nasty way of spreading, however, and I was pretty hard on myself, too (hellooooooo depression!). This is where grace comes in! I can’t possibly embody the fullest extent of compassion for the world that I would like to. I have hang-ups, a limited point-of-view. These days, I’m running around with a busy and opinionated toddler and kindergartener. They’re a lot, and my priority is to be with them, not necessarily probing the innermost of my depths to discover new levels of compassion for the world.
Grace is also on the list because compassion can become overwhelming, and sometimes it’s necessary to give myself a sidestep. My heart aches over the conflict in the Middle East and the senselessness of the bloodshed. I cycle in and out of depression over the war in Ukraine and evil perpetuated there. I drive around town and the homelessness and desperation is on full display. I can’t look away but I also have to function, so sometimes that means feeling my feelings and releasing my vision of how I want it all to be right now, because I am only one person and my calling isn’t to do and be everything. Even though I can and I do do something, my inclination has always been to go to the extreme and do it all. But that’s not possible. So I see myself as extending grace to myself to not be everything. And as I extend myself this grace, I am better able to recognize the need for it in others. Which lessens that compassion judgment temptation.
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