These days, I don’t think about love so much as showing love. Biochemically speaking, oxytocin and other feel-good hormones are nice and fine. They got the name ‘love’ first. But I’m more interested in authentically seeing and showing up for (being seen) by my people, and that relates to how we show love. So here below are some vignettes that make me think about love.
My son was going through a particularly clingy time when he did NOT want to be alone in any way shape or form. So he was sitting in the room quietly while I taught my group piano class. I made sure, as I was introducing the finger numbers, to say something to the effect of “and finger four doesn’t like to be alone, so bring finger four out with some other fingers! It’s ok it doesn’t like to be alone!” As I said this, I stole a glance at my son who was watching me intently. He mouthed, “just like me!” My heart melted from the connection and acceptance happening in the room.
This moment of my children walking together to the playground.
The time I lashed out at my mom and she replied calmly, you can be mad at me if you need to be. Way to deflate the bubble of blame and shame I was laying, mom. We were both made free from that.
When things fell apart in our marriage. And when we fixed them slowly into something better than it had been.
When a young Jake asked me to take him with me to France and I foolishly said yes. We came home two years later engaged.
When I shared a deep vulnerability in community, and was held in that time.
When I played my last service of Lessons and Carols at Grace Episcopal church I poured my heart into the interplay of music, reading, and message. It was my love letter to God, the choir, and the church. A few short months later I played my last service there. I played Dupré’s Toccata in B major for the postlude and the choir and I did Britten’s Jubilate Deo. I think we worked on that together in mutual appreciation and care. I will forever be thankful for that choir and what I learned and what we did together.
There are probably more examples of community love, but of all the kinds of love, I think this is one area I need to expand into more. Mostly when I think of love, I think of my husband and children and family. I think that’s a real limitation. Humanity needs to expand our definitions of family and community and tribe. Or just completely redefine them. When I look at this, I think particularly of the Black womanist theologians who call out this upper-middle class White viewpoint of mine and have helped me to see the limits of my view. This Lent, I hope to finish bell hook’s All About Love. My other hope is to join the CAC’s Friday Sits. As a mom of two, one who’s pretty little, I know I need to keep it pretty achievable or I’ll just flunk out of a discipline quickly and lose motivation and momentum. But really, we all have limits, and knowing and accepting them is a mental health practice and a spiritual practice. ‘Hardcore’ and ‘hustle’ don’t work for spiritual and personal growth… There are no shortcuts on the road to loving better and broader, just deception and blind spots. So this Valentine’s Day, this Lent, I hope to expand my community and my community care. Thanks for being a part of that!
Actually an Artist 
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