Actually an Artist

I’ve been doing a lot of ‘personal branding’ which is ick sometimes but other times has been a really important methodology for self-reflection. And because my ‘business’ is online music teaching and my approach is ‘me’, it’s actually helped me clarify what it is I offer. There are so many piano teachers out there with many good qualities. I’m proud of what I offer and do in this area, but truthfully ‘piano teacher’ isn’t really an accurate description for what I actually want to be doing during the half an hour or so I see your kiddo. Yes, I love music, and yes, I take seriously my role in cultivating musicianship in young people, but no, that’s not the whole of it.

Backing up a bit, I see all music, art, and creative self-expression as intertwined, valuable, and partaking in it is the birthright of every human being. That’s why I went to a conference a few weeks ago and focused my time on workshops that were totally different from what I spend most of my day doing-it’s different yes, but so related. Actually an Artist doesn’t just refer to me reclaiming the visual arts in my life, although that’s been an incredibly important part of my healing journey. It is also about how I view the performing arts, i.e., music. Our society likes to put people on pedestals however undeserved. Painters go here, leaders there, musicians over here. Sometimes I’ve noticed musicians being put in a very particular subset due to the abstractness of our medium (sound and time) and the (mis)perception that ‘I could never do this.’ I will never be an artist like my teachers Jean Baptiste Robin, Chris Lane, or Jack Mitchener, but I am myself and what I do is just as valuable. And what you offer is just as valuable as well.

So just because your piano playing is ‘clunky’ or ‘simple’ doesn’t mean it can’t give YOU joy. In fact, in my teaching, I’d rather it give YOU joy than do any of the other things I might be honing in on during a lesson. And when I see that it’s not giving a student joy, I am going to spend my time exploring that with them. Because honestly, if it gives you joy, then it will grow in the directions you want it to grow in. Because you’ll want to work and practice and reflect. It will be almost automatic because it will feel good and click into how you feel about yourself and music.

A few weeks ago at that same conference I had a day of perfectionism resurgence, actually, it was a morning and it was ROUGH. I left my printmaking class feeling very down about myself, my abilities, my artistic offering to the world. After lunch I took baby back to the apartment and after she was napping I went back to the classroom to continue working on the piece that was bothering me. A bit of a break and a reminder of why I’m confronting my perfectionist thoughts (I don’t want to pass them on to my children) put me back in the ‘I’m just going to play and see’ mindset which is what I really need when approaching art.

Without going into it all (since there was much angst and I forgot to document it), I ended up with paper that looked like this:

We then used this to explore the Nōtan style from Japan. Nōtan means light-dark harmony, and although my final product was in no way actually in the style of traditional nōtan art, it did give me a valuable lesson in letting go necessary to cut up something you worked really hard at fixing… without any guarantee it’s going to turn out to your liking!

Richard Rohr says that all ‘great’ spirituality is about letting go, and this project forced me to practice that many times. I had to let go of that initial fun squiggle (first, above). I had to let go of the frustration that was paralyzing me in realizing a piece of work that I could enjoy. I had to let go of perfection over and over and over, and I had to let go of the finished product in favor of something I really couldn’t predict. While the final product isn’t some great work of art I’d consider selling, I did attach it to the wall above where I teach to remind me (and my students!) that what we do is worth doing and worth sharing. It was a reminder to me this very week as I white-knuckled my way as patiently as possible through a lesson with a student who was just not trying. Or maybe they were having their own big feelings about their music and ability. See, it wasn’t just a reminder to check my own assumptions (just as I had to when I was feeling down about my work), but it was a reminder that the messy middle is ripe with broader, perhaps more important lessons for one’s own self than the final product (or musical piece). If a finished piece shows the hard work and improvements of a piano student, then that messy middle shows the psychological and spiritual lessons we are learning.

I am, perhaps, more proud of my pedagogical stances than ever. A large dose of therapy over the years, some mind-changing periods of lessons with teachers who challenged me both musically but also personally, and my continued commitment to personal, professional, and spiritual growth are all seating me in a position that feels more self-assured and comfortable to welcome anyone who wants to study with me for however long they wish. It’s a pride that is borne out of letting go of who I thought I should be when I sit down to play or teach and embraces who I am and who I continue to work towards being. Anyway, here’s my new thoughts on my logo🤣

I have some thoughts and specific reasons for the design choices, colors, and wording. I’m not a graphic designer. But doing a little bit alongside thinking about who and what I offer has been enlightening, and I’m glad I did it myself, even if I still hire out in the future regardless 😅. What do you think?