I’m wary of questions like this, given the pervasiveness of hustle culture and lies told to us by capitalism. It’s particularly insidious because naturally we want to improve ourselves, but “doing more” isn’t necessarily gonna do it. So we trap ourselves in the hustle mindset but think we’ve escaped by saying ‘rest more’ or ‘practice more self care.’ But is that even possible? Which hours are you going to shift around to achieve that??? It’s a recipe for blaming individuals for not making changes when we need community care and community changes.
To me, cultivating ‘space’ is about stepping back and letting others step up. And then repositioning myself to account for gaps or other needs. One night when I was pregnant with Juniper, I was tucking Theo in to bed and we were talking about the baby and imagining what it would be like. I told Theo, then 4, that it might be hard sometimes when baby needs me, especially in the middle of the night. It might mean I’m extra tired and not able to play with him as much. And Theo, quite seriously said, mama, if the baby cries in the middle of the night you can give her to me and I will cuddle her like this. It was honest to goodness the cutest thing. He knew his role and family structure were changing, and he was communicating as best as he could what he imagined for himself. My heart leapt at his sweetness and care, although we did not take him up on his offer-HA! This is the kind of more space-making I’m talking about though. It’s a posture of listening, observing, cultivating, and encouraging. So while I don’t give my 5 year old the infant when she’s screaming at 2 a.m., I do let him guide me in the ways he wants to interact and help out with her, and I don’t assume I always know what that should look like.
In my professional life, I’m in a bit of a transition period as I distill down to what actually matters to me, what I can let go of, and what I want more of. Music is still important to me, but it’s more because of the opportunities to relate to people. I love playing, but also I don’t care for all the baggage that came with that when I was in high-powered conservatories stoking the ego. It wasn’t healthy for me, and it’s taken a long time to let that go and make space for other directions my life could take.
In teaching, I am working on making more space for my students to direct, correct, and guide themselves, and I see my role more and more as giving them the tools and the knowledge to take charge sooner. Today, I held space as a student worked through some big feelings about their playing and progress, and while I’ve always felt fairly confident in those situations, this felt even more grounded than before. I sat in silence with them for a bit, not fixing it, but describing how and why this happens, and assuring them, I’ve been in your seat!
Making space is primarily about shedding expectations and cultivating a posture of openness and awareness to what is already going on without any effort on my part. It’s contemplative in nature, seeking to respond rather than react. It can be fed through active contemplative practices such as meditation, but in my season of life, I don’t have time to do more, so instead, I’m working on just stepping back more. Just breathing, watching, and letting the amazing people around me show me how to best be in relationship with them.
Actually an Artist 
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