Actually an Artist

Daily writing prompt

What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

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I feel like I’ve taken some pretty good risks in my life to this point. I moved abroad for two years with a boyfriend of 6 months, came back engaged. We had a kid. We moved again. We bought a house, had another kid. I’ve put myself out there for some jobs that would have been neat, and pulled out of other jobs that seemed safe but not the right fit. We both are self-employed, but I also have a part-time church job I’m considering the future of. I am a bit on the precipice of stepping into a new phase of life, and I’m not sure exactly how it will or ‘should’ go. It’s multifaceted and not a quick and easy answer to this question I’m afraid 😅.

We talk about moving overseas to give our children more of an international viewpoint. We talk about homesteading. We talk about road tripping in a tiny house on wheels/camper. We talk about having another kid. A big thing I think about for myself specifically is entering a training program to become a Spiritual Director, someone trained to listen deeply and accompany others as they listen to whatever Spirit calls to them in their life. Although I’m grounded in the Christian tradition, I am not closed minded or insistent that it’s the only way to access Divine meaning and relationship in life. I love learning about other religions and connecting with people over our differences and similarities. I honor other people’s vulnerability when they choose to share their sacred beliefs and yearnings. Other than connecting through art and music, I don’t experience any greater connection than when we are laid bare exploring our spirituality from different perspectives. Even this answer, framing it as a ‘risk’ is not really sitting right with me. I think this is something that will happen for me, but I don’t know when. And I suppose preparing to front the kind of money that it would take feels a bit scary for me. The risk is more in the making of space in my life to devote to such a program. It would likely require stepping back from my church job, or maybe just having older children who aren’t so dependent-haha! My five year old is in that place, but obviously my one year old is not. She is very hands-on these days. Almost more so than a year ago, because she’s mobile and TROUBLE.

As fun as it is to think about the future and risks we’d like to take, I think the worst consequence is to not do anything at all. We have, to quote Mary Oliver, only ‘one wild and precious life,’ and all the risks of trying something and it being hard fall well below the risk of not doing them. As I sit with all the what-ifs and maybes my husband and I are currently discussing, the biggest question isn’t so much ‘could we’ but rather ‘should we.’ There are billions of valid, good, and beautiful ways to live life, but only one way to live your life. So which risk is actually worth it? Moving to Europe in a new-ish relationship was hard. We had to find housing, jobs, ways to get and keep visas. We didn’t know if we were ‘right’ for each other (ok, he knew, I was still skeptical!), but I knew that it was a risk worth taking. And I’m still thankful for that risk two babies and almost 10 years of marriage later! My logical brain was telling me no, but luckily it’s not the only voice in my head, and it’s often wrong about these things. So in considering risks, listen to all the parts of you, and weigh not only the short-term risks but the long-term risk of not doing something. A friend in ministry came to me as she was job-hunting, worried about this conversation she was having with a church in a part of the country she had never imagined living in. What an adventure that could be! I told her. Well, multiple years later she’s still there, it seems like it worked out beautifully.

So no, I’m not worried about the biggest risks I’d like to take. I haven’t taken them yet not because I’m afraid but because I know that when the next right thing comes (thanks Glennon Doyle!), I’ll take that risk and however it turns out with be a-ok. Good luck out there, fellow adventurers!