I’m pretty exhausted from ‘vacationing’ with two littles, so this is in no particular order. First of all, parenting is a challenge. For real. I really love it though, and so I’m lucky that the challenge becomes extreme only in very short bursts until I’m emotionally regulated again. Improving my emotional regulation is another challenge. I have grown A LOT on that front. Through reading amazing ‘self help’ books (that are really so much more than that phrase usually denotes) like The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, or really anything else Brené Brown, I have come to understand myself and my boundaries so much better. I have come to understand my vulnerabilities and why certain buttons hit so much different than others would, or they would for someone else. I also have been in therapy since becoming a parent (yayyyyyyy postpartum depression 
) so that has helped me grow and change into the person I’m proud to be today.
Today’s the first day of the new year and my last day this age, for tomorrow is my birthday. Yay! I love my birthday! I have officially hit my mid-thirties, however, and with that comes some need for acceptance that I am not a “young adult” anymore. I don’t think this is too big of a challenge for me overall, but I do want to be deliberate in how I’m calibrating myself for the next decade. I am working on a career shift or course correction or simply a hiatus. I don’t know exactly what the next stage is, and that feels unnerving. Sometimes it’s fine and I can live in the ambiguity and other times all the moving parts feel like they’re going to come crashing down on us all and we’ll get royally stung for not acting, or acting too soon. Ugh. I know that’s vague, but this is the world wide web. Sorry.
A final big challenge is maintaining discipline without anxiety or guilt. One big reason for my career shift is that the music studies of my youth were spurred mainly by anxiety and shame. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to model that sort of motivation for achievement to my children. If I continue to make music performance a big part of my life in the future, it will be from a place of joy, confidence, hard work, and self-knowledge. But right now… I feel pretty bleh about anything that takes discipline. Including these blog posts. But I was starting to fritter away my evening online, and I remembered ‘Bloganuary! I wanted to do that!’ I didn’t feel like I could to be honest. I’m really tired! But. I did. And I have. And I am not here feeling anxious or guilty or ashamed of what it is. So maybe that’s progress! As much as I’m facing this challenge in the music sphere of my life, it is also present in my spiritual-life. I am also banishing ‘shoulds’ and ‘have-tos’ from that as well. I would like to find myself in a place to meditate daily. I would like to be more active in finding contemplative practices. I am maintaining that connection as I am able to, though it’s not as much time as I would like it to be. Baby steps, I suppose.
So now, fellow self-seekers. What are your greatest challenges? Within? Without? Like me, a little bit of both? Comment below! Let’s be a shame and guilt-free place to explore motivation (or whatever you struggle with).
Actually an Artist 
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